Controlling sex online
But at the heart, the one-flesh relationship between a husband and a wife, says Dennis Hollinger, “points beyond the physical to the spiritual, emotional, and social oneness of the marriage covenant” (, 101). It is an up-close drama that uniquely taps into the depths of marriage’s mystery — the mystery once hidden, and now out in the open, picturing Christ and the church (Ephesians ).The meaning of sex, and this passage in 1 Corinthians 7, is about a husband and wife serving one another — and that’s the only way we can understand the gospel-empowered of sexual abstinence.If the husband quotes this verse, trying to convince his wife into sex when she doesn’t want to, he is opposing the very theology that’s foundational to it. The Christian husband doesn’t make demands that his wife’s sexual desire be adapted to match his own.He is making a self-fulfilling demand — something Paul has eliminated in 1 Corinthians 7:4. One application of this text more sex for some couples, but the text is betrayed when it becomes the basis for berating our spouse for sex.If Paul is so clear on how rare it should be, why bother discussing it? When we look at these verses isolated from the meaning of sex and a theology of the body, the apostle seems to be saying to Christian couples: “More sex! A truncated explanation of 1 Corinthians 7:5 inevitability leads to this rationale.But whether it’s the husband or the wife pleading this case, it turns into trouble as soon as the other spouse isn’t on board. The wife has authority over his body now, and he has authority over her body — which means that his sexual desires should be consistent with what is in the best interest of her body, not his.He is the author of Never Settle for Normal: The Proven Path to Significance and Happiness.
Let’s expose these misuses and then chart a course for the gospel-empowered The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
By misunderstanding this one purpose and letting it eclipse the others, pleasure can easily morph into sexual greed. Could there be anything more distant from what a Christian marriage should be?
The good-intentioned wife who never says “no” may be feeding in her husband an idolatry that will not be content to stay at home. This relationship should be the model of unwavering love, and instead the wife is pressured with the need to manipulate her husband’s devotion.
The husband who threatens an extramarital affair if the sex dries up is not acting like a Christian. I ache for the women in our churches about this misuse, for this terrible burden, for the thought that you must secure your husband’s commitment by giving him sex.
It is tragic that there are women in Bible-believing churches who have sex with their husbands out of fear. This is not the path of marital intimacy, and it emphatically is not the Christian vision. The first makes it all about the individual, the other makes it a pawn.